Locked Out of Travel: When Financial Control Denies You and Your Children the World

In this emotionally charged Reddit post, user Marzipanface shares her frustration and growing resentment over her husband’s refusal to pay for passports for her and their two children. As a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) with no economic independence and limited support, she has spent years caring for children with additional needs while relying financially on her husband, who holds all decision-making power over large expenses. Despite receiving a substantial inheritance two years ago, he declined her only request—to fund passports for her and their children. She explains the emotional toll this has taken, especially as her children grow older and begin questioning why they’ve never traveled abroad.

The husband’s repeated dismissal of the need for passports, combined with his tight grip on finances and unilateral decision-making, paints a picture of subtle economic control. The poster’s desperation is amplified by her sense of social and personal isolation, including missing out on travel opportunities with friends and being unable to provide enriching experiences for her children. Now, with her daughter approaching adulthood and expressing a desire to see the world, Marzipanface is reaching a breaking point.

Family holidays allow people to relax and create lasting memories with their loved ones

But this woman has gotten sick and tired of being homebound, and she blames her husband for it

1. Defining Economic Abuse and Coercive Control

Economic abuse is a legally recognized form of domestic abuse in the UK under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, defined as “any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on [a person’s] ability to acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or obtain goods or services” The Guardian+15Surviving Economic Abuse+15cwes.org.au+15.

While discussions of domestic abuse often focus on physical violence, economic abuse is now understood to be present in an estimated 95% of cases—used as a method to maintain power and leave victims financially dependent TIME+2UK Finance+2Investopedia+2.

Control over passports or identity documents is a documented tactic: withholding immigration or travel documents is an acknowledged form of economic control, often used to restrict mobility and independence BrooklynWorks+11UK Parliament Committees+11Investopedia+11.

---

2. How Passport Denial Fits Within Financial Control

Denying passports seems innocuous—but it intersects with many economic abuse dynamics:

• Restricting Access to Identification & Mobility: Without passports, Marzipanface can’t easily access alternative identity proof (e.g., for services or travel), and the children are barred from exploring educational or cultural travel.
• Symbolic and Practical Dependence: Financial control is reinforced by denying the ability to travel, giving the controlling partner total oversight of what the family can do or where they can go.
• Ignoring a Reasonable Request: The request was modest—passports for the children and mother, funded during a period of financial windfall. The husband’s refusal, despite the inheritance, speaks less to fiscal necessity and more to control.
• Psychological and Emotional Impact: The children’s repeated questioning (“why’ve we never been abroad?”) and the mother’s frustration amplify the emotional toll. It reflects a pattern where her desires and independence are dismissed.

---

3. Prevalence and Everyday Forms of Economic Abuse

Research shows that economic abuse can be both overt and subtle:

• Coerced Debt and Credit Misuse: Many victims have debts they didn’t consent to, often run up in their names by partners. One victim had debts totaling £130,000—built through coerced credit and reckless spending—hindering her ability to rebuild her life even after separation UK Finance+11The Guardian+11TIME+11TIME+4Surviving Economic Abuse+4UK Finance+4.
• Control Over Work or Education: Victims are sometimes prevented from working, attending school, or claiming benefits. For Marzipanface, caring responsibilities and lack of childcare already limit access to income, and the lack of passports further isolates her from opportunities MaPSwomensaid.org.uk.
• Document Denial as Abuse: Internationally, some abusers exploit immigration or travel documentation to keep victims tied to them. This may include refusing passports or letting visas expire—effectively blocking mobility and enforce dependence UK Parliament Committees.

---

4. Legal and Policy Frameworks Supporting Recognition and Recovery

Legal Recognition in the UK

• From April 2023, post-separation controlling behaviour—economic abuse included—is prosecutable under the Domestic Abuse Act. This means behavior like long-term misuse of financial control may now be grounds for charges even after separation UK Finance+2Surviving Economic Abuse+2Surviving Economic Abuse+2.
• A landmark UK Supreme Court decision (Waller‑Edwards v Bishop) ruled that lenders must assess signs of undue influence for joint borrowers, reinforcing legal recognition of coercive financial exploitation The Times.

Support from Financial Institutions

• UK Finance’s Financial Abuse Code (2021), adopted by banks and building societies, commits firms to recognise and support victims of economic abuse, offering dedicated support pathways and evidence documentation protocols TIME+11UK Finance+11Men’s Advice Line+11. Banks like Monzo and Lloyds are also adopting innovations (e.g. in-app safety messaging) to help survivors recover from financial abuse WIRED.

---

5. Potential Impact and Pathways Forward

For the Children

• Being denied passports denies access to broader educational and cultural experiences. As children with additional needs grow older, shared experiences such as travel or learning in different contexts can be enriching—denial limits their formative development.

For the Mother

• Without personal ID, opportunities—whether employment, social trips, or simply travelling with friends—remain inaccessible. The frustration described reflects a loss of self, autonomy, and dignity.

Steps Toward Empowerment

1. Seek Advice & Evidence
   Engage with charities like Surviving Economic Abuse and Women’s Aid, which provide toolkits tailored to economic abuse survivors, including documentation forms banks recognize Surviving Economic Abuse+3Surviving Economic Abuse+3ourwatch.org.uk+3.
2. Financial & Legal Planning
   Explore options to independently apply for ID/passports. Collect supporting evidence if funding is withheld despite availability. In some cases, legal aid or pro bono family solicitors may assist with establishing rights to passports or benefits.
3. Support Networks & Advocacy
   Domestic abuse support services often work with seasoned advocates who help survivors rebuild independence—emotionally, financially, and practically.
4. Consider Long-Term Options
   If joint finances or control remain issues, legal proceedings or changes (e.g. separation) could be considered, with specific focus on how economic control is affecting children and autonomy cwes.org.au.

---

6. Why Passport Denial Is a Red Flag

• Non-financial but economically controlling behavior: Withholding a passport costs little but significantly limits options.
• Pattern, not a one-off event: The refusal persisted even after inheritance, again and again over years.
• Power imbalance: Decisions about travel, spending, and children’s experiences are made unilaterally by the husband.
• Dehumanizing message: The denial sends a message that her needs and desires—or those of her children—can be ignored.

---

7. Conclusion: Reclaiming Access and Autonomy

At its surface, the passport issue may sound small—but it encapsulates a broader pattern: control, denial, and isolation. Economic abuse doesn’t always appear as blatant financial fraud. Sometimes it hides in withheld documents—or the refusal to invest in experiences that would benefit dependent partners and children.

This is less about travel, and more about independence. About agency. About recognition of basic rights. And—crucially—about children deserving to feel seen, included, and free to explore.

After reading the woman’s story, some people said she doesn’t deserve to go traveling